Or, at least his writers do….

Life is sexually transmitted.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which a person can die.

Men have two emotions; Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
make him a sandwich.

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach a person to use the internet, and he
won’t bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a slinky…
Not really good at anything,
but you still can’t help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day,
lying in hospital beds dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a SLIGHT tax INCREASE cost you $200,
and a SUBSTANTIAL tax CUT save you $30?

In the sixties people took acid to make the
world weird, now the world IS weird, and
we take Prozac to make it normal.

And, the #1 thing to ponder:
We know exactly where one cow with
mad-cow-disease is located among millions
and millions of cows in America, but we don’t
have a clue as to where millions of illegal
immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe
we should put the Dept. of Agriculture in charge
of Immigration.

“Life is like a jar of Jalapeno’s.
What you do today might burn
your ass tomorrow”



  1. Who ever YOU want it to be Says:

    Chuckle, chuckle….I musta fallen asleep before the Top Ten or was tuned to another channel. Thanks for sharing.

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